Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
