I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
