Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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