I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
