Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
