Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
