Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
