dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Still dying that you shit outside
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
