So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
