it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
