I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
