i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i will never coherently bang her
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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