she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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