I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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