The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
