I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize