Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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