if only i could text you this smell
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
