Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
