i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
