Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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