Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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