I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
