So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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