i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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