he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
not ubering you a puppy
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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