I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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