I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
