Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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