Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
