I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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