I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
