3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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