those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
