First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So vagazzling was a success
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
