Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize