I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize