I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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