My liver just broke up with me...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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