I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
