I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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