i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
