I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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