this just has baby written all over it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
