It's Friday. Sex?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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