I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
