Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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