Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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