Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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