Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
sex in a hospital.. check
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
