he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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