I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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