WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
