Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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