i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
