VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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