You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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