i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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