Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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