lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Randomize
