I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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