I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
