What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
