I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
