Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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