Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
