Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
