If i come over, it means nothing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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