i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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