I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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