Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
